South Carolina hates me.

Did I ever tell you the one about me and Officer Gaylord? No? Well you are in for a treat.

Okay. WHAT? Is-the-deal? South Carolina rocks the interstate with four, yes 1-2-3-4 lanes, yet they are quite picky about people going only 60 mph on them. Sixty. Four lanes people.

Here, you can go...well let's just say that you can go the speed I was going and never get pulled over.

Well Schyler and I had been in Charlotte for a while visiting fam, which we love. What I do not love is driving home for seven hours with a bored child. So I may have been speeding a little. Just a little though.

And I never speed. Never.

So it didn't take long for me to have the opportunity to meet the Napoleonic (in stature - not the movie) Officer Gaylord. So immediately I know this isn't going to go well.

#1 - I'm six feet tall. Not gonna help him feel any better, here.
#2 - Even if I don't get out, I'm in my husband's Avalanche. He's still looking up at me.
#3 - I mean for the love. His name is Gaylord. He's going to have some unresolved anger goin' on.

As he approaches, I try to get Schyler to start crying while I figure out how to work into the conversation that my husband is a part of the brotherhood of blue. I can NOT go home with a ticket.

Except that I do.

Can I tell you how appropriate that the city in which I received said ticket is nicknamed "The Electric City". Hollaaaaa Office fans!

Brandon gets on the bat phone - yes they have those in law enforcement, no lie - and calls the Gayster and guess what? E-ticket. Damage is done. No fix here.

Fast forward 10 months. On the road again to NC. Brandon, who ALWAYS speeds (yes he's a cop) gets pulled over. Where? You guessed it.

I must confess at this point I am in limbo here. Do I want him to get a ticket? Do I not? I mean, we would have to pay it, but oh oh ohhhhh. The sweet you-had-it-coming smile (which I would NVER do)! I honestly can't decide.

Well, la-tee-da it doesn't very much matter. By, say, about the time he and nice normal size Officer are swapping stories about their first gun fight and creating a secret hand shake, I pretty much know we're leaving without any repercussions.

Oh, but wait. There were repercussions - free lunch. YES. you read that right. The Officer gave us FREE LUNCH. What the heck.

Oh I know I should be glad. And [between gritted teeth] I am.

Nooooo. I'm not bitter. No siree.