Okay, I know I am the worst ever. Trust me on this. Seriously, we still have no computer which is driving me crazy because it only consists of buying a little cord thingy and we just haven't done it. It's a busy time of year for me and I just don't think about it until I am missing you all so much I don't know what to do.
Yesterday we saw some girls at the grocery store that maybe were a little less dressed. Okay, okay, they were completely hoochified. So anyway, Schyler said, "Those girls have more hair than they have clothes on."
Where in the world does she get stuff like that??
Also, I should back track and tell you that I didn't come up with the summer rules. A friend emailed that to me. Proper credit you know.
So anyways, can't chat even though I have so much I want to tell you. I have to go home and finish my bread n' butters.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Rules for Summer
Well, I'm just going to tellya', it's been rough seas here at the Happiness Household. Can't quite put my finger on it, but I'm pretty sure I could send a therapist's kids to college on the things rambling around in my brain right now.
I haven't been here in a while because #1. I should probably strive to keep my mouth shut as much as possible during times such as this (a quality that does not come natural to me during ANY kind of times) and #2. my house got hit by lightning and the cord to my computer got fried.
So when you are borrowing a computer you know you just can't post like you should. Until I can put together something that makes sense I will leave you with some summer rules to help keep you from having grocery store feet -
Just a friendly reminder, it's that time of the year again...
For sandals and open toe shoes
Please raise your BIG TOE and repeat after me:
I pledge to follow The Rules when I wear sandals and other open-toe shoes:
1. I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hangover and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.
2. I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.
3. I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.
4. I will shave the hairs off my big toe.
5. I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend/co-worker/mother/sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.
6. If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it -- no matter how much it hurts.
7. I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him.
8. I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat, and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.
9. I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.
10. I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/co-worker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes look like they've been dragged behind her car on the way to work and no sandal in the world is going to make her feet look good.
11. I will promise if I wear flip flops, that I will ensure they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.
12. I will promise to go to my local beauty school at least once per season and have a real pedicure (they are about $20 and worth EVERY penny). I say spend another $20.00 and get an even better one.
I haven't been here in a while because #1. I should probably strive to keep my mouth shut as much as possible during times such as this (a quality that does not come natural to me during ANY kind of times) and #2. my house got hit by lightning and the cord to my computer got fried.
So when you are borrowing a computer you know you just can't post like you should. Until I can put together something that makes sense I will leave you with some summer rules to help keep you from having grocery store feet -
Just a friendly reminder, it's that time of the year again...
For sandals and open toe shoes
Please raise your BIG TOE and repeat after me:
I pledge to follow The Rules when I wear sandals and other open-toe shoes:
1. I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hangover and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.
2. I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.
3. I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.
4. I will shave the hairs off my big toe.
5. I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend/co-worker/mother/sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.
6. If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it -- no matter how much it hurts.
7. I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him.
8. I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat, and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.
9. I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.
10. I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/co-worker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes look like they've been dragged behind her car on the way to work and no sandal in the world is going to make her feet look good.
11. I will promise if I wear flip flops, that I will ensure they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.
12. I will promise to go to my local beauty school at least once per season and have a real pedicure (they are about $20 and worth EVERY penny). I say spend another $20.00 and get an even better one.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Gold Rush
After making a trip to what we down here call going to town, I can decisively and most definitively tell you two facts:
1. You can't go anywhere without blaring music and
2. I am tired of seeing girls pull their too short shorts out of goodness knows where.
For Christmas, someone very nicely gave my daughter a gift card to a clothing store. Yes, for Christmas and yes we just now used it. Going to town is a long way okay.
I can not tell you how quickly you realize how tired, hungry, thirsty, and especially annoyed you are when you are inundated with music so loud you can not even make a rational thought. It's hard enough for me to make a rational thought in silence.
Listen, mothers. If you are going to insist on buying your full size daughters shorts from the toddler section, at least teach them some manners. Like not getting out of the car and hiking their leg up so they can dig them out of the uncharted territories of their inner selves. It's gross and I don't know if you can tell, but I'm a little fed up with it.
You can try to look away, but everywhere you turn there is someone digging for gold.
Well, sorry, there's my weekend rant. I expect to see vast amounts of improvement on this particular subject by Monday (read: we'll be staying home).
1. You can't go anywhere without blaring music and
2. I am tired of seeing girls pull their too short shorts out of goodness knows where.
For Christmas, someone very nicely gave my daughter a gift card to a clothing store. Yes, for Christmas and yes we just now used it. Going to town is a long way okay.
I can not tell you how quickly you realize how tired, hungry, thirsty, and especially annoyed you are when you are inundated with music so loud you can not even make a rational thought. It's hard enough for me to make a rational thought in silence.
Listen, mothers. If you are going to insist on buying your full size daughters shorts from the toddler section, at least teach them some manners. Like not getting out of the car and hiking their leg up so they can dig them out of the uncharted territories of their inner selves. It's gross and I don't know if you can tell, but I'm a little fed up with it.
You can try to look away, but everywhere you turn there is someone digging for gold.
Well, sorry, there's my weekend rant. I expect to see vast amounts of improvement on this particular subject by Monday (read: we'll be staying home).
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